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Foreword by Leslie S. Greenberg, PhD

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Introduction

How This Book Came About

What to Expect from This Book

And Here We Go... 

 

1  Our Defenses and How They Get in the Way of Love

What Is Love?

What Interferes with Love?

How Defenses Are Formed 

 

2  The Critical Inner Voice That Supports Our Defenses

Your Real Self and the Anti-Self

How the Critical Inner Voice Develops

How the Critical Inner Voice Operates 

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3  The Voice Therapy Method

Old Habits—and New Hope for Change

The Voice Therapy Method

Reactions to Challenging the Critical Inner Voice

Why Voice Therapy Works

Journaling and the Voice Therapy Method 

 

4  When Love Makes Us Feel Vulnerable

Defenses Against Vulnerability

How to Be Vulnerable to Love

 

5  When Love Disrupts the Fantasy Bond

How the Fantasy Bond Develops and Continues

The Fantasy Bond in a Couple

How the Critical Inner Voice Enables the Fantasy Bond

Challenging the Fantasy Bond in a Couple

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6  When Love Challenges Our Negative Identity

Your Negative Identity

How to Challenge Your Negative Identity and Maintain Your Real Identity 

 

7  When Love Triggers Guilt

Guilt for Being Happier and Different

How the Critical Inner Voice Encourages Guilt

Taking Action to Overcome Guilt

Defensive Strategies: Selection, Distortion, and Provocation 

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8  When Love Arouses Deep Sadness

Where Does the Sadness in Love Come From?

How We Cut Off Sadness

How to Face Sadness 

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9  When Love Stirs Up Our Fear of Loss

How Death Anxiety Is Aroused

How the Critical Inner Voice Intensifies Death Anxiety and Fear of Loss

How to Live with Death Awareness

The Positive Effect of Death Awareness

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10  A Look Ahead

Continuing to Use the Voice Therapy Method

Preserving Individuality to Strengthen Your Relationship

Developing the Skills for Communicating in an Intimate Relationship

Dealing with Anger Constructively

The Act of Loving

A Few Final Words

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Acknowledgments  

References